Sorry again for the long delay between posts.
I have an urge this morning to record my feelings before tomorrow so it will probably be a long winded post.
Tomorrow. I have waited so long for this. I can't even remember when I first decided that this is what I wanted to do. Am I ready? I really can't answer that. Emotionally, I'm doing OK but still have my moments and sometimes whole days. Physically, I'm actually having a bit of a FMS flare up at the moment and I'm so, so sore and exhausted. That I've learnt to live with over the years.
I've always said I would do this once Jack started high school. When he was a baby this seemed a lifetime away. Now he is in high school, it seems like only in the blink of an eye ago.
Tomorrow. Am I really ready to return to work yet? I've wrapped myself in a cosy coccoon since the miscarriage, I don't go out, I rarely have visitors, I spend my days alone in the house with my sewing machine as my best friend.
Tomorrow. Today is the closest thing that I'm sure I've felt to being a child in many years. This must be how kids feel Xmas Eve. I'm excited about what tomorrow will bring, I'm nervous and I'm worried that after wanting this for so long, it won't be exactly what I thought it would be.
Tomorrow. I start my new job as a funeral attendant. It's something I've wanted to do forever. I actually want to be a mortician but I guess I have to start somewhere. I think back at all the times I've spoken to people in the industry about this over the years. One conversation will always stick with me. Many years ago I spoke to an embalmer, once when I thought I was ready to go back to work. She told me how a little boy had been hit by a car and killed instantly and how the family wanted a viewing. The poor little possum was that banged up he was almost unrecognisable. So she had to work off a photo. I thought that was one of the greatest gifts I had ever heard of. Imagine being able to do that and give those parents that last gift? That last look at their precious little son. I thought that was beautiful.
Tomorrow. I'm sure I will have many mixed feelings as I go about my duties whatever they will be. One feeling I'm looking forward to is the one of pride. Proud of myself for finally following my life long dream. As different as my dream may seem, it's mine and I'm doing it.
Today. On the eve of my life long dream I am feeling a little bit apprehensive, very nervous and a tad worried that I won't be cut out for it. Deep down I know I'll be fine but it's obviously something where there is no place for errors. Not even slight ones. So it's with deep breaths and sweaty palms that I face the day ahead of me.
P.S This is a layout I did a few years ago. I just thought it was relevant to the post. :)