Wednesday, November 08, 2006

New beginnings, necks and giblets!! :)

Hi everyone,
Trust you are all well. :) is with mixed emotions that I found out this morning I am an aunty again. My brothers girlfriend had a baby boy at 5.25a.m this morning weighing in at 4 pounds. They have called him Zane Andrew. He wasn't due until around 16th of December and that is the part that I'm not happy about..she is a complete feral and I know she has done things during the pregnancy that you shouldn't do even not pregnant and I'm sure thats why the baby is early. This is their 3rd child. Their first was the most beautiful boy who was the sweetest, gentlest little thing. He is now 3 yrs old and I haven't seen him for ages as I have hardly nothing to do with them because of their mother, but I've been told this poor little boy is now just ruined. He swears, carries on like a feral, kicks walls etc. It's the saddest thing to hear. Then they had a little girl who I've seen all of twice I think. Now this one. I live about 2 minutes drive from the hospital but I really, really don't want to go up there. I HATE her family and I just know it will break my heart to see the eldest boy if he is the cheeky little shit I'm told he is now when I knew him as one the nicest little boys I've ever seen. It also saddens me to think that when they take this new tiny bundle home...he will just become an extra burden to her.'s always good when the babies are born and everyones happy blah blah blah but they don't remember what it's like when these kids start growing up. I don't understand why my brother stays with this thing..I know he is doing the right thing for the kids sake but hey..sometimes I don't believe the right thing to do is to stay around upsetting the kids even more. Don't get me brother is far, far from an angel. But I know he doesn't carry on like her around them.
I suppose at some stage during the next couple of days I'll have to wander up there but I really don't want to. Last baby they had..cop this..when I got there to see them she was sat up in bed, her mother was with her and there was no..'Hello, goodbye, kiss me ass' or nothing..the first words that cam out of her mouth was 'Well your brother can get fucked!'. What the?
I had one of my boys with me also! Apparently they had an argument in the labour room during the birth can you believe that? Have you ever heard of anything more feral than that in your whole life? That is just disgusting as far as I'm concerned! I was gobsmacked!
Anyway...hang on I have to swallow...hhhhum...thats it pride...down you go..LOL
Want to hear something even more feral? Well Monday night I decided to cook this you beaut meal and I was standing in the kitchen crumbing chicken chatting away to Rhiannon (17) and Jayden (13). On my kitchen bench is a mortar and pestle that belongs to Josh (19) the chef. Jayden picked up the pestle just at the same time that young Jack entered the kitchen. I have to say..this pestle is quite large and phallic shaped. Jack, who could talk with a mouth full of marbles underwater, didn't skip a beat and looks at Jayden with the pestle and says 'Mums got another one of those fake ding dongs under her bed!'. OMFG!! What the??
Well of course Rhiannon and Jayden almost pee their pants laughing while I stand there with my head in the friggen chicken bowl wishing the floor would just open up really, really wide! Of course I denied having any such 'fake ding dong' under my bed but that just made Jack even more defiant. 'Yes you do and it's all squishy'. With that he trotted off to retrieve it.
Of course it wasn't there...(I really don't have a fake ding dong:) But he came out swinging..'It's gone now but it was there Mum..Jye found it the other day while we were playing Play Station in your room'. By this time Rhiannon and Jayden needed a Tena each and my head was almost buried up the chickens asshole...was trying to use my nose as the stuffing!!
The only way I could get out of this mess was to yell at Jack and tell him not to be so silly and to get outside and play before I keep you inside. So he skips off like nothing has happened and not realising the full extent of the damage he has left behind in his wake!!!
I still had my 17yr old daughter and 13yr old son writhing around the floor laughing fit to kill to deal with.
So I did what most mothers would do in this situation (I thought). I bravely pulled my head out of the chickens ass and ever so composed I said 'I do not have a fake ding dong under my bed'.
Jayden, the little darling, stopped laughing long enough to say...
'You do Mum...we've seen it!'
Needless to say I still have the chickens neck and giblets hanging off my chin!
Have a drama free week.


Bec said...

Well congrats on becoming an aunty again hun, and I am sorry that you can't be happier due to feral ppl.

And onto more pressing subjects.. I almost needed a Tena myself reading this post!!! LMFAO @ however many fake ding dongs there are allegedly around your house, thank goodness they don't know about Darrell!!!! pmsl

Oh Shaz, you are bloody good value hun, I seriously don't know how I ever lived without you or your blog!!!

Love n Hugz

Lisa Harman said...

haha Shaz I am in stitches of laughter. classic moment and one I guess you wont be scrapping about.. haha..
congrats on the aunt scene aswell, shame about the littlies turning the way they have. Wish them all well.

Take care

Sam said...

oh Shazz... I am NOT laughing (anymore!!!)
Congrats on being an aunty again :D

Anonymous said...

Hi Sharryn,
Congrats about being an Aunty again and sorry to hear that the family isn't more "into there children" IYKWIM. Would be nice if they respected their children enough to raise them in a loving family enviro instead of a sty :(
Hope your week gets better ~ now go wipe that chickens asshole off your chin and get scrappin' ;)

Mardi said...

ROFL Sharryn..... I havent stopped laughing since I read your post in the forum ... and I recall you trying to pass something off as a neck Im gulliable sometimes...BUT...with a vibrating neck massager, Darrell and a fake ding dong....I see a pattern emerging...LOL
Mardi x

Julie said...

Having giggles over the ding dong under the bed.

Congrats on becoming an aunty again. Sorry that there are issues with the SIL.

Shelley said...

OMFG.. *picks self up off floor*

Shelley :)

deirdre said...

STILL PMLOL about the ding dong!!!!! Congrats Aunty Shaz, hopefully they dont ruin this one!

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