Saturday, November 11, 2006

I am a SHIT magnet!!

Hi all,
OMFG..you'll NEVER guess what happened to me this morning! I don't think I've ever been in such a SHITTY predicament in all my life!! ROFL Hey..I can laugh now...but this morning I had no idea what to do!
Heres the scenario: Being Saturday morning the boys had cricket. Michael had to work this morning so I had 2 boys to ferry to games on my own. Today was a one dayer game which means you have to be at the ground by 7.30a.m and we were running late so I didn't get time for a toilet stop before I left which isn't a good thing when I've been sitting up chatting on the Boxx till midnight drinking Scotch and Coke!!
So I've thrown the boys in the car and I would've got to the top of our street when the first wave of wind pains hit!! Too late..couldn't turn back now. Luckily about 10 minutes up the road I find myself driving behind Jyes coach and I'm flashing the high beam and tooting the horn to get him to pull over. The poor stupid bastard didn't know who I was and he is one of these meek, mild mannered, nervous sort of blokes and he was shitting himself!! LOL He later told me he had no idea it was me and he thought it was a car jacker or something..ROFL
So I threw Jye in his car and started driving Jack to his game. Well fuck me...there were road works right where I had to turn. They weren't there yesterday! So I'm trying to think of the quickest way to get to the ground he was playing at, meanwhile willing these God awful, gut wrenching wind pains to back off and mouthing off at the road works guy standing there with the STOP sign!
Finally I got Jack to his game and I don't think I've ever kicked a kid out of the car quicker than I did this morning fair dinkum! He almost flew out!!
Well..I don't know about you..but I absolutely WILL NOT unless I desperately have to, use a public toilet, especially for what I needed it for this time! So I'm driving like a bat outta hell to try and make it home but about 5 mins away I had to accept that I just wasn't going to make it. So the next best thing was Maccas.
I've rounded the roundabout and almost screeched in sideways in the Maccas carpark but hey...I was on a mission by this stage. All the while I'm thinking..this is OK..it's not so bad..it's only 8.00a.m..there'll be hardly no-one here and no-one will notice you run straight to the dunny. WRONG!! OMFG...how many people go to Maccas for friggen breakfast on a Saturday morning!! What the?
In that split second I've stood in front of the McCafe display cabinet 'cos I didn't want people to know I've just gone to Maccas for a friggen McShit, juggling myself on 2 feet...
Then I raced into the toilet, parked my ass and I was home and hosed. Or so I thought!
This is where it gets really interesting! I'm sitting there praying to God that no-one out in the eating area knew me 'cos I knew I was there for a long time not a good time. Feeling pretty good at this stage and thinking about calmly walking out and buying an orange and poppyseed muffin and a coffee for breakfast. Until I realised there was no FUCKING toilet paper! Are you friggen serious??? How, pray tell, do I get outta this one? What would a normal woman, in this circumstance do?
You know the first thing I did when I realised the predicament I was in? I thought about you, my dear readers, and how this would be a good story for my blog. Gross...but an OK story to share.
By this time I was thinking..well I can't exactly wait for some poor unsuspecting bitch to come in and ask her for toilet paper now can I? She'll know straight away what I've done...Scotch and Coke has a mean smell when recycled..ROFL
I was then going to ring Rhiannon, who was home here in bed to get her to ring the Maccas store and tell them of my distress and bring me in some toilet paper. Ummmm no...that wasn't really an option either. Only other thing I could do was vacate that cubicle and move into the next one! Problem there was..this toilet was one of those where when you come through the door from the main eatery it veered off to the mens and womens..so if anyone opened that main door while I was doing the big cubicle switch...the poor bugger sitting there chowing down on his egg and bacon McMuffin would've gotten far more than he bargained for..ROFL
Oh well...stiff shit..(excuse the pun) it had to be done...so I grabbed my handbag, flushed that toilet and snuck next door (there were only 2 cubicles) all the while hoping to God that someone didn't walk in and catch my lily-white ass swapping cubicles. Seriously..how weird would that be?
All I can say is..thank you God for there being toilet paper in the 2nd cubicle. I will never ask for anything again as long as I live!!
This afternoon we took 3 of the boys down to the main street to a festival they have here every year. Same old..same old. Bought them a show bag each and Bobs your uncle.
I was very, very saddened to hear about the passing of Belinda Emmett, the beautiful wife of Rove McManus this morning. I never knew she was sick again I thought she was in remission. So my prayers and thoughts are with Rove and their family at the moment.
Thats it for me today....I'll be having an early night tonight and there will be no Scotch and Coke involved as we're going on a picnic tomorrow and I'm not using any bloody public dunnies. One thnigs for sure though... I'll be taking my own friggen toilet paper!
Have a good one
Shaz
xxx

12 comments:

Lisa said...

ROTFL
Oh you poor thing!!! There is nothing worse than finding out theres no toilet paper AFTER you're finished :)
Thankfully you actually made it in there.. I was getting a bit worried for a minute!! LOL

Beth said...

ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

K said...

u r too funny

Sam said...

LOL .... how awful would that have been LOL

Anonymous said...

Oh Sharryn ya poor thing matey!! LOL Sorry. I have learnt that it's a really good idea to check the cubicle for toilet paper before going he he he :P I loved your comment about a Mcshit PMSLOL.
Glad it all worked out and ya didn't get sprung ;)

Julie said...

All I can say to u Sharryn my dear is........ROFLMFAO!!!!!!!
Seriously that's too funny!
I thought u were going to say that someone caught u sneeking to the other cubicle, now that would've been totally hilarious!!!!
Jxx

deirdre said...

PML sooooooo hard, OMG thats a pisser. It's soooo gonna be me tomorrow, LOL!

Mardi said...

ROFLMAO....and

Mardi said...

ROFLMAO...and Im at work again too !!.....I missed the warning..LOL
mARDI X

Trina said...

Hi, I just popped on cause people on the Boxx were talking about blogs and I saw this post. What a funny funny story. So sorry it had to happen, but glad for us cause it was a GREAT read. Thanks for putting a smile on my dial. Hope you're feeling better now!!!!!

Anonymous said...

This would have to be one of the most well written and funniest stories I have ever rwad. You my dear are an absolute gem !!

You had me laughing out loid so hard that dh wanted to know what I was doing.

Anonymous said...

PMSL Shaz at the macca's story.

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