Words cannot express the gauntlet of emotions I experienced last night and am feeling now aftern a huge argument with Joshua, my 19yr old son. We have never argued like that before and it's left me very, very drained.
It all started when he got home at around 5.30p.m after work and the younger boys were out the front. Josh came in and told me that the boys had swore at him so I called them in and asked them if they had. Of course they all said no so I told them to go sit down as dinner was nearly ready and gave them a stern warning about what would happen if I caught them swearing. Then the little buggers went outside and apparently one of them through a stick at Joshs car, according to him, and her went berko. He came in here ranting and raving and carrying on like an idiot and I thought well hey..I'm not putting up with your shit buddy so I yelled back and it was on for young and old. I'm not to back down from an argument and I don't give a shit who it is, especially if I know I'm right. Anyway..then he started on the 'I'm moving out' shit and I'll come back and get my stuff later..which he has never, ever said before to me. I have a friend who has recently gone through this and she reacted by crying and begging her son not to go but not this stubborn little black duck! I just said to him if thats how you feel then go..see you later. I was that angry with the way he spoke to me I just didn't care.
Of course as soon as he left I broke down and sobbed my heart out. And sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. He came back about 15 minutes later and called out to Michael, who had been sitting here open mouthed, speechless during the whole argument (and knows better than to get in my way when I start anyway) and they both sat out the front for a while talking. The boys were in here all crying their little hearts out, especially Jack the youngest.
What pissed me off also was I had a P & F meeting to go to and I was all ready to go after dinner but there was no way I was in any state to face anyone. I had to send Michael up to the Presidents' house with the Minutes and attendance books and told him to tell him I had to go to my grandfathers house 'cos his car had been stolen. Little white lie..it was stolen..but not that day.
Josh is staying at his mates house for a couple of nights until things simmer here but I'm so angry with the way he carried on I'm not even sure I want him back if he's going to carry on like that. The problem is..he's hardly had anything to do with the boys for the last 3 and a half years with his working hours but now with this new job he is getting home in the afternoon and the boys are going out to greet him like they do Michael and I think they are too full on for Josh. He needs to get used to that though. Changes are things that I don't take to very well either but you have to in this life.
Last night I was just broken hearted and I've never experienced that sort of emotional pain before. It really hurts.
Then as if that wasn't enough..at 3.00a.m this morning I woke up to my next door neighbours yelling out to Michael so I jumped up and they were yelling out that there was someone in our backyard. Michael and I raced out the back but the mongrel bastards had gone. They were so close to getting into our garage..if Darren next door hadn't of heard them we would've lost so much. Joshs trail bike is in there also at the moment so could you imagine if that went last night?
I really wish we had've got hold of the bastards last night I reckon I would've bashed their skulls in with cricket bats then stood there and laughed at them the filthy stinking thieving maggots. I hate thieves in any way, shape or form..they are the scum of the earth.
This morning I had to race in and get a Jack a birthday present as he is 9 tomorrow. I'm so glad I didn't run into anyone I know..my eyes are like puffed slits from crying so much. I bought a pair of sunnies in case the waterworks start again today.
I just don';t know what I've done lately to warrant all this. Hey..my life is one big drama anyway especially with the family I've got (and I don't mean my hubby or kids) but you know..I thought I was starting to cruise along nicely..no smoking, spring cleaning...mind, body, soul type stuff but obviously not good enough.
I'm hoping for a better end of the week.
Thanks for listening if you've made it this far.