Trust your all well.
Well...my moods, outbursts and emotional distress since just before Xmas have finally evolved and manifested to the point of no control.
I should have seen it coming and got help earlier but me being me..I tried to cope and stay strong but this time its just too big..even for me.
I tried to keeep a lid on it while the kids were home on holidays then make an appointment to see my doc but I didn't quite make it.
Last night I had a panic attack and it scared the living shit out of me. Thank God I could feel it coming and I could get out of the house when it erupted..I walked up to my mothers but it happened on the way there. By the time I got to her house I couldn't friggen breathe. She shit herself when I walked in obviously cos she didn't know what was wrong but shes never seen me like that before. I've always been the strong one in the family and I hold a lot in.
I have since learnt that there are only so many times you can swallow that lump in your throat though and keep it down before the bastard of a thing almost chokes you in emotional anguish.
I don't think I've felt this bad for a long, long time if ever.
I went to the docs this morning but my doc wasn't on duty. The guy I seen was lovely though and quite concerned. Of course, the tears flowed freely and you know what he did? He stood me up and hugged me...fuck I'm tearing up just thinking of it. Thats never happened to me before. He even wiped my eyes and kissed my hand God bless him.
He has given me a script for anti depressants..well another sort.
He is also going to speak to my doc about putting me on some sort of care program. Obviously this isn't going to go away and we need to get to the core of what makes me tick. I'm a bit scared of what that will bring up though...I really do have some emotional baggage that I think will spill all over the place.
Oh well...maybe it's just time for it all to be aired. Nothing I've done wrong. People have wronged me in the past in a way that they never should have. Violated is the word I'm after.
Thats about all I can manage for now, the tears are welling again..LOL
Aren't I a sook?
Take care and please...look after yourselves.