Thursday, February 01, 2007

Eruption

Hey all
Trust your all well.
Well...my moods, outbursts and emotional distress since just before Xmas have finally evolved and manifested to the point of no control.
I should have seen it coming and got help earlier but me being me..I tried to cope and stay strong but this time its just too big..even for me.
I tried to keeep a lid on it while the kids were home on holidays then make an appointment to see my doc but I didn't quite make it.
Last night I had a panic attack and it scared the living shit out of me. Thank God I could feel it coming and I could get out of the house when it erupted..I walked up to my mothers but it happened on the way there. By the time I got to her house I couldn't friggen breathe. She shit herself when I walked in obviously cos she didn't know what was wrong but shes never seen me like that before. I've always been the strong one in the family and I hold a lot in.
I have since learnt that there are only so many times you can swallow that lump in your throat though and keep it down before the bastard of a thing almost chokes you in emotional anguish.
I don't think I've felt this bad for a long, long time if ever.
I went to the docs this morning but my doc wasn't on duty. The guy I seen was lovely though and quite concerned. Of course, the tears flowed freely and you know what he did? He stood me up and hugged me...fuck I'm tearing up just thinking of it. Thats never happened to me before. He even wiped my eyes and kissed my hand God bless him.
He has given me a script for anti depressants..well another sort.
He is also going to speak to my doc about putting me on some sort of care program. Obviously this isn't going to go away and we need to get to the core of what makes me tick. I'm a bit scared of what that will bring up though...I really do have some emotional baggage that I think will spill all over the place.
Oh well...maybe it's just time for it all to be aired. Nothing I've done wrong. People have wronged me in the past in a way that they never should have. Violated is the word I'm after.
Thats about all I can manage for now, the tears are welling again..LOL
Aren't I a sook?
Take care and please...look after yourselves.
Sharryn

8 comments:

Mardi said...

Ohhh Sharryn..... ((((HUGS)))) and loves coming to you.... just think of this as the first step to recovery.... you have reached the pinnacle and now you can start to repair....
I hope you have the support of your family through this (as Im sure you will) ... and I know you have many friends who will be supporting and thinking of you too..
Please dont hesitate to ask if there is anything I can do..
Mardi x

Jodie said...

Ohhh Shaz, i dont know what to say but your in my thoughts and i hope you get through this OK, as Mardi said look at this as your first step to recovery.
and WOW!!! that Doc sounds like a pretty awesome and understanding man.
Cry all you want mate and if you need an ear im here.

Jodes
xx

Jo Hutchison said...

What a Lovely Doctor.. He sounds like a true gentleman who cares about his patients. No, you are not a sook. Hopefully now, they will see that you need the help that you clearly need/deserve. HUGS to you. Hoping you are feeling better now.

Jo *Scrapgirl - Scrapboxx*

Jo Hutchison said...

Sorry, got ahead of myself (again) Should read "Hopefully now, they will see that you get the help you clearly need/deserve"

Julie said...

BIG BIG BIG hugs coming your way Missy.

Not too sure what else to say so I'll leave it at the hugs.

Sam said...

{hugs} thinking of you... have just and still are going through a similar thing with my Dad, he has a support person come and visit for a couple hours on different days each week...It is a bloody hard road, but the doc sounds great and hopefully they will get you the support that you need.
Take Care
Sam

Karen Ridgeway said...

Oh Sharryn, best of luck on your new medication girl...trust in your GP that he knows what you need to get better, and I can see that you do. He sounds like a really lovely doctor to stand up and give you a hug. You can get through this, and you will...and you are NOT a sook ;D I agree, it is a hard road, and it's one which I have travelled too, but you will reach that light at the end of the tunnel - have faith in that :o)

{{{{{BIGGEST HUGS}}}}}

Love Karen xoxo

Tammy Templeton said...

Oh dear Sharryn :( Ya poor bugga...I really feel for you matey and yes! I am right there with you (re: my trip to the hospital recently with heart palpitation and a speeding heart rate...panic attack/anxiety attack and now diagnosed with FM too. I know what your feeling and going through...If I could reach out and take your hand and give you a big hug and kiss I would matey! Just to let you know that I know what your going through well the anxiety and the FM stuff :( it sucks big time...but your not alone and your not crazy either...I thought I was going crazy for a while.
I'll email you...I don't think I should blather on anymore on your blog...sorry.
Take care Sharryn
Tammy X

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...