Merry Xmas to everyone and so sorry it's been such a long time between posts. Life has been so very busy for us especially during the cricket season.
My last update was way back in June and I have been very mindful of the timelapse but never in my wildest dreams did I think my next blog post would be along these lines.
December 3rd we found out we were expecting child number 7. It was a complete 'suprise' although a lovely one and one we felt very blessed to receive. We decided to tell the kids early on for personal reasons and they were all very, very excited.
We found out extremely early (that early in fact I was joking we must have found out 5 minutes after I was pregnant) and things seemed to be progressing nicely. My HCG levels weren't rising 'text book style' however I've never been one to worry too much about these levels, as long as they are rising it's all good I've come to realise with the others. The first ultrasound was too early to see anything apart from some thickening of lining where it was meant to be, the 2nd ultrasound showed the gestational sac and the last ultrasound I had on the 23rd of December showed a sweet little flickering heartbeat. All good.
I'd made a Xmas e-card to send to family and friends for the last couple of years and decided to add a special little note this year to tell the world our news. Funny, it just didn't feel right sending the e-card with the 6 kids on it when there was going to be 7. Maybe it was too early to share our news. Is there a standard procedure though? Is it so bad that you just want to scream from the rooftops and let everyone know how happy this tiny little being that's only been in your life for such a short time has made you? To see the joy on your other kids faces is an amazing thing. Why not share some of that joy especially at Xmas? God knows, the world needs as much joy and love spread around this time of year as it can get.
I'd had a few 'niggly pains'and a bit of spotting for over a week that I hadn't said anything about, especially after driving the car. I'd seen my GP about it but he assured me everything was OK.
Sadly on Boxing Day the spotting turned into something more sinister and I spent most of the morning at the hospital. Obviously at such an early stage there wasn't anything they or I could do, just rest.
Michael and the boys were going away on the 27th, which was Jye's birthday, to Tottenham which is in Central NSW. The boys were looking really forward to it. We'd bought Jedd a present for Xmas that he could only use on a property such as the one in Tottenham so it was decided that they still go. I was sure everything would be fine, it was just a bit of a setback. So they set off at 6.00a.m that morning. It's a huge drive and were only there a short time before the rain had flooded them in and they couldn't even get off the property.
The morning of the 28th things had gotten progressively worse so Josh drove me back up the hospital. This time they didn't muck around they took me straight in, put me on a drip and did test after test. I think it was the longest few hours of my life. Eventually the gyno came in and I was given the results, not good.
So they prepped me for theatre then and there. The rest, as they say, is history. :(
I don't understand why, after all these years, this happened. Why would we be given such a gift only to have it torn from us such a short time later? Had I done something bad? Was it a lesson? If so, what for because I really don't get the gist of it. I've racked my brain and I can't think of anything I've done to deserve this happening. One of the nurses said that maybe it was meant to be. WTF? So, you get pregnant 12 years after your last child then 7 1/2 weeks later you lose it and that's meant to be? Why? Was it meant to be that it happened when my whole family were away? On any given day there usually isn't a moment in my life when I turn my head and at least three people are there. I am always surrounded by people. So why did this happen when there was no-one around? Was that just meant to be?
I guess God will be the only one to ever know the why's and what-if's. I just wish He had've given me a bit of a heads up. That way I could've prepared myself to deal with the pain in my heart I have right now.
